t-r-u-t-h's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- No more tears. Boys don't like it when you're not strong. Crying and showing weakness isn't a good thing. I think I've learned my lesson when it comes to that. I won't be that open again... I should have been stronger... but the past is in the past so I can't linger. It's done. It's over. I bought a lot of chocolate today. It's good stuff, gourmet. I bought it because my period is coming up, plus I may need some cheering up this weekend... My chocolate bar and I, haha... Sweet chocolate, never leave my side. In three hours I will be going into the Our Lady Peace concert and getting ready to rock out, because that's what you do at concerts... right? I don't miss him yet. I am filled with regret though. Maybe I didn't love him. Maybe it was all my own selfish pleasure? Maybe it was me just wanting someone to love me? No. I know it wasn't. I didn't just want love. I would have done many things for Richard. In time all of my mistakes will be forgiven and forgotten, as will his. I don't know when the next time we talk will be. I think it will end up being his call. I'm not making the move to talk to him though. No matter how upset or lonely I get. I'll drown it out with reality. Things aren't alright with us. We disagree on basic things... like how much attention we should give eachother and understanding eachothers feelings. It's over. I'm not afraid of showing my emotions like that to other men that I will eventually get involved with. I wouldn't have been that open if he hadn't pushed me to... He wanted me to trust him so much... and when I did I guess it was too much. I need to work on my need to have things go my way. I just feel like I know the way to make everything better. A way to work through things... it's what I do. It's my thing.. But I think Richard has the same thing... and it hits us hard. I haven't cried since Denielle came in after Richard hung up on me. He told me he didn't want me to call him again and that he was going, I dropped the phone then and started bawling. I couldn't listen to the phone go dead by my ear. I stopped after a minute and told myself to be strong. Then the door opened and Denielle came in and asked me what was wrong and I started crying again. Then I told her what happened and after that I've been okay. I'll be fine. I'm a strong girl, and like I said, I'm embarassed about getting that emotional... It kind of made me feel better though. There was a lot I'd been bottling up about the two of us and I just let it all out. Too bad it wasn't well recieved. I want Richard to do well in life. I hope he really studies and passes these courses. I want him to succeed in whatever he does. Even if he wanted to drop out of college I would be happy for him if that's what he wanted... and I'll be happy for him no matter what, even if I'm not a part of his life. I don't think we'll ever get back together. There's the off chance we might... but... unless we started all over I don't think it would work. *sighs* Well, time to get things done before the concert. 4:14 p.m. - 2005-11-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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