t-r-u-t-h's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Better. Bah. I just read his diary entry and it kills me. He said, "...It is tearing me up reading these entries of Sarah's, and I want to call her so badly but I feel like she doesn't want me to. Even though she says she does, I'll have to break through a wall that I don't want to. And the same problems are still waiting on the other side. I still love her and it really touched me reading the things she said." He's so right. The problems are here and I don't know how the fuck to fix them. I was trying not to think about the problems. I was trying so hard. It just makes me so damm angry with him because I feel that these things could have been easily remedied so long ago but he didn't make the move to. I would tell him over and over agian the things that he needed to do to make this relationship work better, work better for everyone... BUT NO! I'm so angry, so bitter about the whole situation. Maybe I should just move on and forget about all of this. Just let it go. I was thinking before that him coming up here this weekend wouldn't really show much of a change but it would make me feel better. Well, I just realized how wrong I was. If he came here this weekend it would show a whole hell of a lot of things that dont just happen over a few days. It would show that he were more responsible, that he understood how to make me happy, that he was taking all of the right steps toward being a responsible, loving partner but if he hasn't learned this by now then will he ever figure it out? Maybe I've been wasting my time and love on Richard. Have I? I have this overwhelming belief suddenly that that's exactly what I need to do. Move on. If Richard isn't what I need now then he'll never be what I need. It hurts so much to say that but it's the truth. If he can go on knowing that the things he does hurts me and always expects me to suck it up and just accept what he does whether it's wrong or right then this relationship isn't right for me. Maybe someday he'll grow up and be the man he's supposed to be... but I'm sick of waiting around. I deserve better. I'm calling him and telling him. 7:07 p.m. - 2005-11-17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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