t-r-u-t-h's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Black Star. I'm sorry about that last entry a minute or so ago. I had a panic attack when I realized he was online and I couldn't breath and I had to stop typing. Distracting myself wasn't enough, I just need to write about it. I just put an away message up online. If he reads it he'll know it's about him. I don't want him to think that I'm miserable.. I mean... I am sort of. As long as I don't think about it I'm fine. The thing is that I didn't want to put up some crappy away message... I wanted to reach out a little and let him know that I'm not okay but okay... I took it down. It wasn't working for me. I dont know what to write in it now though. But I need something up there so I can say "hide messages" and not know if he moves to message me. Okay. I've put one up. It's lyrics to "Everything is Alright" by Motion City Soundtrack. Whew. Okay. It's okay. I can do this. I'm trying so hard to do so many things to distract myself. It's only been two days and already I'm faltering. I mean, I know I won't talk to him first because I just can't bring myself to do it. I want him to show that he misses me and can't live without me. I want him to do something crazy to do it. I wish, I wish, I wish he would... but he wont... and even if he doesn't... I'll be okay... there's always December 18th. My everything is about him. It's tragic really... God. I just want him to show up here on Friday afternoon. I just want him to walk up to my dorm room, knock on the dorm and say... and say anything because him just being there would be enough. Okay. No more little fantasies. I can do this. I can do this. I can be strong. I will not talk to him until he talks to me... even if it's January when it happens.
DIARY, DIARY, DIARY!! His diaryland site... it's working... it wasn't working yesterday, or earlier today. Oh please God let this not be a fluke or some kind of mess up on diaryland's part. Thank you, thank you, thanks. 6:18 p.m. - 2005-11-17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||