t-r-u-t-h's Diaryland Diary

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I hate you. Yes. You.

I just want you to know that I've been fighting to let you go.
There's a day you'll come back to me.
I would do it all again. Just want you to know.

Love. Life. Lust. Complications.

I've had this crazy notion, whether I've admitted it or not that there's a happily ever after and I can protect myself from anything bad if I just fight hard enough, prepare hard enough and work my as off.

I still believe that this is a possibility but people, well, people suck real bad. One thing you can't depend on is others. They're not always stable. They're going to bring you down, slowly but surely.

This morning I didn't want to wake up. This whole weekend I was more alive than I am now and I was less alive than I have been in a long time.

I'm not depressed, but more aware.

I have this other guy, telling me all of this things about himself and how he wants to be with me and would ne with me everyday. I don't believe him. I don't trust him. I don't, I don't, I don't. I don't want to trust him and I don't want to believe him. I don't want to be in this anymore. I want my stability back.

I just want to run away. I don't feel like feeling. I just want to breath in and out and not worry about the consequenses.

I don't want to share with you.
I don't want to tell you anything.
I don't want. I don't want. I don't want. I don't want. I don't want. I don't want.

I know so much about what I don't want.

What I do want... well.. I don't know. Wanting escapes me.

"Just stay with me lay with me. Let's sleep til the sun burns out. I'm melting in your eyes."

10:55 a.m. - 2005-11-07

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